This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
