I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
