She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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