Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
