I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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