when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
