I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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