OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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