I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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