Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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