i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize