My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize