Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
