Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
