We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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