wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
