so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
