I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
