haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
