I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
