i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
