I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
