In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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