I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
