I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
