Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
