She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
