hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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