Don't you send me to vm
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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