My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
