I am in a vortex of obligation.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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