good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
lets start a swedish sibling band together
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
