I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
