im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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