it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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