you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
