Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
