get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
