Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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