I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
