There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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