Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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