Your face is a jimmy john
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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