East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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