the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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