my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
