I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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