Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
