She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
