She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
