im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
