I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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