You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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