also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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