great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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