i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
