I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
