we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
