I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
