You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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