I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
