All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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