awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
40s are totally the cure
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
